Granddad's Ashtray

Den & the Ligger - 1999


I used to have a Labrador with slobber chops and a great big soft head
(he was a lovely dog, he was)
But he's gone to Doggy Heaven now, where all good dogs go when they're dead
But now I've got a new dog - one that won't never ever die instead!
He doesn't need walking - He doesn't even need to be fed!

I call him Womble, Womble,
Wombling Womble - The Magnificent Imaginary Dog!!

When we go out together, Womble and I have a lark
(don't we eh?)
We play for hours with his imaginary ball in the park
(I tried him with a real one but you couldn't get the hang of it could you?)
We rough and we tumble, chase pigeons, we laugh and we bark
(raow roaw roaw)
And for a Woman Alone he's a hero when we're out in the dark!
( you should see their face right, when I say "he's trained to kill you know!"
- and of course he's not.....

I call him Womble, Womble,
Wombling Womble - The Magnificent Imaginary Dog!!

When he's a good boy I take him for a ride on the bus
(bus Womble! you like the bus!)
He likes meeting the passengers though they don't much like meeting us.
( That's your fault)
Then he goes under the seats an I have to get him, thus:
(Excuse me, come here Womble , sorry... can I etc...)
Then we roll in the aisle and I give him a lovely big fuss!
(Womble fuss)

Once we got arrested and sectioned on a ward for mental health.
(that was your fault, too)
There was a bloke there who had an imaginary girl dog called Elf.
(ooh remember Elf , you liked her didn't you?...)
When the section was over the doctor took the form off the shelf.....
(oooh what's he going to say, Womble?")
He said "you're free to go now - BUT -
Can I take a puppy home for myself?!"
( Yayyy)

"I'll call him Womble!"
(he named him after YOU Womble!")
(Who's my little Daddy-Dog Womble?!")
Wombling Womble the.... magnificent... Imaginary.... Dog!!

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