Elizabethan-Child-Actors

To Be Decided

Wobbie Wobbit - FAWM 2019


Collaboration with Huw Thomas as Christopher Featherston-Haugh
Huw: Guitar, recorder, vocals

The Scoundrel And The Wench


Away to Stratford town now we will go
Upon the tumbling Avon in full flow
Bound by band of gold for all their life
We find here he the husband she the wife

But love's true flame, alas, here now doth flicker
And neighbours prick their ears as they do bicker
In raucous argument and bandied words
Assailing each with bitter verbal turds

For he a hunter and unthinking rake
Believes that she her whole life must forsake
To wait upon him ev'ry waking hour
And still appear to all his dainty flower

So let us go there now then you and I
And on their wall be settled as a fly
As they fling most horrid foul and vehement
Slings and slangs of torrid disagreement...

Fie upon't You scullion!
Fie Fie rampallian!
Fie fie fie fie
I care not a fig
Thou art a lousy putrefactive pig!
And thou art but a puritan and prig!

Should I not slay the beasts and steal their meat
Then wouldst we not have feasts and meals to eat
Aye, true but their decapitated heads
Lie strewn and maggots there do make their beds

I find abandoned deer and rabbit scuts
To speak not of the spiral piles of guts
Tis my task to go out and make the kill
To cook and clean, my lady, is thy skill

Fie you pompous blackguard
Fie you ugly haggard
Fie fie fie fie
Pray not my fury goad
On thee hath hell's vile monsters been bestowed
Pish! Thou art a venom belching toad

Thy garments tossed in turmoil everywhere
Discarded garters do my feet ensnare
My breeches may be soaked in blood and grime
For country matters occupy my time
Around my bum-roll wrapped I find your ruff
Last night I found your codpiece in my muff

My codpiece in your muff?!
Yea! Your codpiece in my muff!
And thou complainst my lady? Twas it not enough?

Codpiece in my muff Ha ha!
Codpiece in my muff tra la!
Fa la la
Ha ha
Oo ahh
Hurrah
Mama
Papa

Good Lord!
Oh mercy!
Good lord!
Oh Percy!

Sing tirra lyra lady
Fa la la
Hey ho hey ho
Ding-a dong ding-a dong
Hey nonny nonny
...

Hold it!
What my codpiece?!

Our lovers thus dissolve in bawdy glee
And to their wanton wicked chamber flee
Our puzzled neighbours shrug and shake their heads
Retire to hear the doings from their beds


Listen to more Christopher Featherston-Haugh adventures:
Uzbendoinds
Monkey And The Grinder

Listen to all tracks from To Be Decided