Granddad's Ashtray

Den & the Ligger - 1999

If I Were A Baker

WARNING - contains swearing.

If I were a baker I'd look at you with doey eyes
If I were a cobbler I'd give you my soul
If I were a soldier I'd wrap my arms around you
If I were a roofer I'd tell you how I felt

But you work in the deli, giving me the cold shoulder
You work in the cinema, giving me the flick
You are a lollipop lady, always cross with me
You are a gardener and it's me you want to shed

But we could be butchers and meet
We could be beauticians and make up
Remember when we were cyclists and spoke?
Remember when we were chiropractors and clicked


I'm a caterer in the army now, I'm in a mess
A formula 1 racing driver, in the pits
I feel like a hairdresser, I could curl up and die
I work for Dynorod and I'm feeling shit

You were a checkout girl till...
You decided to be a tree surgeon and leave
You could've been a herbalist if you wanted a bit of time
If you were a doctor you'd have more patience


If I worked for the World Wildlife Fund, to you I'd pander
Cos I think you're a secretary and just my type
I don't wanna be a journalist and press you
But if I were a telephone operator I'd give you a ring
And we'd be engaged
I'd give you a ring and we'd be engaged

CHORUS/ we'd be engaged

See video of live performance of this song:

Live at The Performance Club, Bath - 30th October 2018 (Set One)

Listen to all tracks on Granddad's Ashtray

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Current charity: Samaritans Coronavirus Emergency Appeal