Earworm Farm

Wobbie Wobbit - 5090 2012

Written September 2012, re-recorded November 2014

Brown Bread

When I reach for a cigarette, first thing in the morning
I see the graphic photographs and the government health warning
"Smokers die younger, a slow and painful death"
But somehow or another we'll all draw our final breath.

One day we'll all pop our clogs
And reach our final destination
Pass over, 6 feet under, worm food,
Burial or cremation.
We'll be pushing up the daisies when we kick the bucket
Pop off, cash out and snuff it,
When we conk it, croak it, cark it
We'll be gone, late, departed
Returned to the soil
We'll bite the dust and be no more
When we shuffle off this mortal coil
Cos we're all gonna die
Without exception, every single one of us
One day it will be curtains
And we'll all be brown bread

On my bottle of wine Chief Medical Officers say
I should drink no more than 2-3 units a day
But regardless of the consequence it brings
My lifestyle keeps me safe from many things:

I am not foreseeing
Breaking my neck while skiing
I won't be dashed on the rocks below me when my bungee snaps
I am absolutely doubting
I'll fall to my death off the side of a mountain
My Indy car will not spectacularly cartwheel off the track.
I won't be ripped to pieces surfing shark infested seas
I'm never gonna fall from a trapeze
I won't get stuck while I'm potholing - deep down in a cave
That will never ever be my grave


But my parachute will never to fail me
The Bull that I am riding will not impale me
I won't succumb to exposure on an arctic expedition
Or on a desert trek on a camel
Or while swimming the english channel
I won't be blown to smithereens on a disastrous space mission.
I won't die after getting into difficulties on a solo trans-atlantic crossing
I won't get my lights knocked out while boxing
My horse won't ever rear up unexpectedly and crush me flat

My life will never end like that

I won't blackout at the bottom of the ocean while free diving
I won't crash into the hillside paragliding
I won't come up too quickly while deep sea diving and get the bends
That isn't how my life ends

I'm sure it would be better to be abstinent
But I won't go in a white water rafting accident
Life and death are both full of surprises
But at least I'm safe from several sad demises

Cos we're all going to die
Without exception, every single one of us
One day it will be curtains
And we'll all be brown bread

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